Author Topic: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"  (Read 54358 times)

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Offline 5Water

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Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« on: March 12, 2016, 12:40:16 AM »
Sorry for repeating, but while we're waiting on cynthaiz, we can focus on 9 Songs of the Moving Heavens for the time being.

I have completed 2 short episodes and put them at the google doc for Emraldr and flycrane01 to read first (since they expressed interest in doing so). Afterward comes the draft videos.

With a friendly reminder to people who have not been around, I now need emails to share any of these. Wish I could blame youtube and google for this, but that's just the way it is. (^.^') So, yeah, I will repeat myself every other time, just in case someone misunderstands due to the many posts we have.

Final trailer has been posted at youtube too. ^.^ https://youtu.be/hhPJSOBhtEs

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Offline Emraldr

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2016, 05:48:10 AM »
I have completed 2 short episodes and put them at the google doc for Emraldr and flycrane01 to read first (since they expressed interest in doing so). Afterward comes the draft videos.

So excited that the specials are coming out (:
I took a look at the document and made some comments. The translation was really good today, congratulations!

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Offline flycrane01

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2016, 10:22:35 AM »
I've done my revisions. Quite a lot... This is the first time that I have used Google Doc and I was not familiar with it. So I made a lot of corrections without comments ( I was wondering why Emraldr can put up a comment while I can't until I found the gray "comment" button...). If you have any question or disagreement, do tell me and we can discuss them.
将军百战身名裂。向河梁、回头万里,故人长绝。易水萧萧西风冷,满座衣冠似雪。谁共我,醉明月?

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Offline 5Water

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2016, 01:20:07 PM »
I took a look at the document and made some comments. The translation was really good today, congratulations!
Thanks!

This is the first time that I have used Google Doc and I was not familiar with it.

If you have any question or disagreement, do tell me and we can discuss them.
I have left replies back at the google doc. ^.^ And you did great for your first time using google doc! I find it easier to edit and make corrections with everybody there. :3



Since we all have made a few corrections over each other, go ahead and re-read the google doc again. ^.^ I often take in what was corrected by everyone while I do have to choose between the options that people suggested on the same thing.

I left yellow highlights and there were a few replies to flycrane01 too.

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Offline Dream Hunter

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2016, 02:53:55 AM »
Episode One:
3:29 does it mean to ponder? I feel like the word is understand.
3:45 Teacher not You
3:47 Disciple not I
4:01 Senior Brother is returning to Han State? The "Senior Brother" at the end if awkward. or just keep it as You. I noticed that instead of Senior Brother it is you or Senior Brother so it should be consistent. If Li Si says Senior Brother it shouldn't be You. I feel it would be more consistent and if people are trying to figure out the language by watching (like me sometimes) it would be less confusing.
8:20 What do you want?

Episode Two:
I wonder if that woman is Ying Zheng's mother?
6:42 "Prime Minister's life extremely wealthy'?
8:32 The people who wants to see me or don't want to see me. We will still have to meet in the end.
9:06 Brother, I missed you to death.


But, truly, I have wept too much! The Dawns are heartbreaking. Every moon is atrocious and every sun bitter.

Arthur Rimbaud

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Offline flycrane01

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #5 on: March 14, 2016, 04:32:13 AM »
Episode One:
3:29 does it mean to ponder? I feel like the word is understand.
3:45 Teacher not You
3:47 Disciple not I
4:01 Senior Brother is returning to Han State? The "Senior Brother" at the end if awkward. or just keep it as You. I noticed that instead of Senior Brother it is you or Senior Brother so it should be consistent. If Li Si says Senior Brother it shouldn't be You. I feel it would be more consistent and if people are trying to figure out the language by watching (like me sometimes) it would be less confusing.
8:20 What do you want?

Episode Two:
I wonder if that woman is Ying Zheng's mother?
6:42 "Prime Minister's life extremely wealthy'?
8:32 The people who wants to see me or don't want to see me. We will still have to meet in the end.
9:06 Brother, I missed you to death.




1. We have several words here "think about" "think through" "ponder". At last "ponder" is chosen. Actually I think "understand" can be used too
2. I agree that consistency should be highly valued. Maybe it should be all "Senior Brother" or all "You"
3. About "6:42 "Prime Minister's life extremely wealthy'? ". Actually the original sentence makes little sense in Chinese, so it's difficult to translate
将军百战身名裂。向河梁、回头万里,故人长绝。易水萧萧西风冷,满座衣冠似雪。谁共我,醉明月?

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Offline Emraldr

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #6 on: March 14, 2016, 03:38:31 PM »
whoops, posted these in the other discussion by accident.

Episode 1   8:42 -  "One for me and one for him"
It is a little strange to refer to the horse as an it in this context. I think he (or she) sounds better.

Episode 2   3:14 - "the reward for you..."

Episode 2   3:27 - since "to act as accomplice to the tiger" means "helping a villain do evil" , shouldn't the person say "You cold-blooded murderers act as accomplices to the tiger"? The extra "to do evil" seems a little redundant

Other than this it looks great

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Offline 5Water

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2016, 11:17:28 PM »
Corrected some things. Thanks!

Below are for open discussion, which are not corrected in the video yet. It would be great if everyone checks it out. Help is needed!


Dream Hunter's comments on episode 1:
  • 3:29 does it mean to ponder? I feel like the word is understand.
    5Water: Ponder is the same as 'thinking about' and 'reflecting on'. It's like what flycrane01 said too. The direct word that was translated from 想 xiǎng was "to think".
  • 3:45 Teacher not You - 3:47 Disciple not I
    5Water: Do you think I should change this? I try to stick to what seiyounashi & sstyhoo have been translating for a long time, but I don't see the harm of "you" and "I". Even sapphiresky's translation used "you" and "I" (last I remembered), which I support.
  • Senior Brother is returning to Han State? The "Senior Brother" at the end if awkward. or just keep it as You. I noticed that instead of Senior Brother it is you or Senior Brother so it should be consistent. If Li Si says Senior Brother it shouldn't be You. I feel it would be more consistent and if people are trying to figure out the language by watching (like me sometimes) it would be less confusing.
    5Water: Oh, I think this sentence is fine. Some people say/write: You're leaving, James? And Dream Hunter, about what confuses you... if no one minds, then I'll be writing only "you" and "I" from now on. No more "This student is Li Si" and will change to "My name is Li Si." ...Is this okay though? Just let me know your thoughts. We gotta agree which way to be more consistent. ^.^

Dream Hunter's comments on episode 2:
  • I wonder if that woman is Ying Zheng's mother?
    5Water: ...As long as it's a new character. xD
  • 6:42 "Prime Minister's life extremely wealthy'?
    5Water: During the discussion in the google doc, "life" was taken out. It still sounds fine without it.
  • 8:32 The people who wants to see me or don't want to see me. We will still have to meet in the end.
    5Water: That's an interesting way to put it, but it's too long for anyone to read the subs in time. Do you know any other translations that has to do with 的人? How and why do you think the previous translation is not accurate? (Was it 我的人?) For me, I thought 的人 as Han Fei himself (like his whole body) and not about people around him. I also translated it like that because Moya used the same phrase. (Gongshu Chou too.) But Chinese does have multiple ways for saying stuff. XD Your sentence makes sense too. We will probably have to wait for more episodes and see who Han Fei meant, right? We will have to agree on something for now and can always re-edit in the future, thanks to Youtube's subtitles.
Yikes, I talk too long!


Emraldr's comments on episode 1:
  • 8:42 -  "One for me and one for him"
    It is a little strange to refer to the horse as an it in this context. I think he (or she) sounds better.

    ...But we don't know the gender. O: LOL oh what to do! xD The Chinese subtitles said "it" ...oh well, I'll write "him" for now. If they ever mention the gender, I can go back and re-edit. ^.^

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Offline flycrane01

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2016, 04:59:21 AM »
1. As for consistency, I agree that "You and "I" would be better because they are shorter and easier to understand. Phrases like "Senior Brother""This student" in Chinese sound more like polite words that are used to show respect for others. It's OK to replace them with pronouns like "you""he" or "I"
2.
Quote
8:32 The people who wants to see me or don't want to see me. We will still have to meet in the end.
5Water: That's an interesting way to put it, but it's too long for anyone to read the subs in time. Do you know any other translations that has to do with 的人? How and why do you think the previous translation is not accurate? (Was it 我的人?) For me, I thought 的人 as Han Fei himself (like his whole body) and not about people around him. I also translated it like that because Moya used the same phrase. (Gongshu Chou too.) But Chinese does have multiple ways for saying stuff. XD Your sentence makes sense too. We will probably have to wait for more episodes and see who Han Fei meant, right? We will have to agree on something for now and can always re-edit in the future, thanks to Youtube's subtitles.
How about "You want to see me or perhaps you do not. We will still have to meet in the end."? I think "meet" is a better expression than "see each other"
将军百战身名裂。向河梁、回头万里,故人长绝。易水萧萧西风冷,满座衣冠似雪。谁共我,醉明月?

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Offline cynthaiz

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2016, 06:09:17 AM »
Proof-reading for 9SOTMH EP1

1. 4:59
"...measure myself against you."

2. 5:06
"So the next time we meet, we will be rivals."

3. 9:42
"I caught a big fish, but then accidentally fell into the river."

4. 9:46
"The fish escaped and my money pouch was gone, so..."

Proof-reading for 9SOTMH EP2

1. 2:36
"What sort of important document must it be..."

2. 2:38
"...common scrolls, but hidden so discreetly?"

3. 5:53 - 5:56
"This student here not only possesses talent, but also passion, and can draw out a new scene for Prime Minister."

4. 8:30 - 8:36
(i) "Whether you want to see me or not, in the end, we will still have met each other."
(ii) You want to see me, perhaps you do not. In the end, we will still have met each other.

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Offline 5Water

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #10 on: March 18, 2016, 10:34:53 AM »
Proof-reading for 9SOTMH EP1

1. 4:59
"...measure myself against you."
5Water: Since no one besides flycrane01 have suggested, I will be changing the lines to "you" and "I". Just like the above. So, I will correct all of those later. Or tomorrow. ^.^

2. 5:06
"So the next time we meet, we will be rivals."
5Water: I'm trying to avoid using "so" every now and then because they use "所以" too much in Chinese. That's why I chose "therefore". We can use other words, if you want. xD

3. 9:42
"I caught a big fish, but then accidentally fell into the river."
5Water: Original "There was a big fish, but I fell into the river by accident." And corrected to cynthaiz's.

4. 9:46
"The fish escaped and my money pouch was gone, so..."
5Water: Original "The fish escaped and my money pouch was gone too. So..." And corrected to cynthaiz's.

Proof-reading for 9SOTMH EP2

1. 2:36-2:38
"What sort of important document must it be..."
"...common scrolls, but hidden so discreetly?"
  • Original: What sort of important document is this, that is not written on common scrolls but hidden so secretly?
  • New edit by cynthaiz: What sort of important document must it be that is not written on common scrolls, but hidden so discreetly?
  • 5Water: cynthaiz's sounds much better. But now I think both are slightly like a run-on sentence. xD Maybe it's just me? Let me know if the below edit still sounds weird.
  • My edit: What sort of important document must it be that is not on common scrolls, but hidden so discreetly?

3. 5:53 - 5:56
"This student here not only possesses talent, but also passion, and can draw out a new scene for Prime Minister."
5Water: I think this sentence sounds good. Can I get a second look by Emraldr?

4. 8:30 - 8:36
(i) "Whether you want to see me or not, in the end, we will still have met each other."
(ii) You want to see me, perhaps you do not. In the end, we will still have met each other.
5Water: Did you mean "meet" and not "met"? Because we will be changing it to "meet each other" or something. ^.^ It's just not corrected yet, so I'll get back to it later.

Offline Emraldr

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Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2016, 11:49:53 AM »
    • New edit by cynthaiz: What sort of important document must it be that is not written on common scrolls, but hidden so discreetly?
    • 5Water: cynthaiz's sounds much better. But now I think both are slightly like a run-on sentence. xD Maybe it's just me? Let me know if the below edit still sounds weird.
    • My edit: What sort of important document must it be that is not on common scrolls, but hidden so discreetly?
    I think I prefer cynthaiz's translation. It's just a bit of a clunky sentence either way. I don't think the second edit simplifies it all that much, but loses a bit of the meaning.

    "This student here not only possesses talent, but also passion, and can draw out a new scene for Prime Minister."
    5Water: I think this sentence sounds good. Can I get a second look by Emraldr?

    looks good

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    Offline 5Water

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    Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
    « Reply #12 on: March 25, 2016, 02:46:06 PM »
    Thank you, Emraldr! I have corrected those two by cynthaiz!


    I added a new translator's note at 03:09 about "Nightfall".
    Quote
    Translator's Note: Other meanings of Nightfall (夜幕 Ym) are "curtain of night" and "gathering darkness."



    To the people who have been with me with good communication, will you check below?

    8:28 想见我或是不想见我的人。终于还是要再见面了。
    "People who may or may not want to see me... In the end, we will still have to meet."

    I gathered what everyone has been saying. And I think it's safer to assume that Han Fei means a lot of people here because he's a Prince.

    When Li Si was talking to the Prime Minister, I kept his polite way of talking. For example: "This student is Li Si" and such. There was the usage of "I" and I left it the same. I have also revised "Senior Brother" in episode 1, making sure it wasn't anything like: "...measure myself against Senior Brother" to "measure myself against you."

    Feel free to watch the two episodes again, since I am done with all the corrections.
    Ep. 1 https://youtu.be/abMBZCNfw5Q
    Ep. 2 https://youtu.be/2jqo4Rz7WBM

    If there are no replies by March 28, then I can assume everything is good to go. ^.^

    Offline Emraldr

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    Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
    « Reply #13 on: March 25, 2016, 05:23:56 PM »
    The only problem is could see is in Episode 2 @ 11:46
    "controls our fates from deep in the shadows"

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    Offline Drama Drama

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    Re: Episodes Translation for "9 Songs of the Moving Heavens"
    « Reply #14 on: March 28, 2016, 04:54:20 AM »
    Hi, StarQ just released Episode 3 for 9 Songs on last Thursday. Here's the transcript for that episode. BTW, there is a word that I couldn't figure out on 8:24. Anyone who is good in Chinese please go and have a look. Thank you very much :)

    9 Songs Episode 3 :
    Spoiler
    9 Songs Episode 3 : 心之逆鳞

    【天子已死
    诸王纷争
    逐鹿中原
    乱世七雄
    春秋逝远
    寒冬将至
    天下无常
    聚散流沙
    逝者如川
    天行九歌】

    - 新郑  城郊 -

    * 韩国  龙泉君 *
    * 韩国  安平君 *

    Soldiers : 两位王爷有令  我等押送军饷去边关 军情紧急
                    必须冒雨赶路 且不得多点火把  防招贼人
                    鬼  鬼兵  这是鬼兵借道
                    军饷  军饷在变少
                    啊  军饷不见了  怎么回事

    * 农家 潜龙堂  司徒万里 *

    Situ Wanli : 欢迎诸位光临潜龙堂
                        今天大家都带来了自己的奇珍异宝
                        就以物易物  互相交换
                        互相关照  交个朋友
                        这只蟠龙鼎是甲字阁的客人带来的宝物

    * 燕国  燕丹 *

    Situ Wanli : 乙字阁的客人带来的是一对玉镯

    * 燕国  雁春君 *

    Situ Wanli : 丙字阁的客人带来的是三支玄晶箭头

    * 燕国  荆轲 *

    Situ Wanli : 丁字阁这位贵客的宝物可不得了
                         据说琼浆入樽  碧海惊澜
                         而这个形质古朴的盒子中
                         则是最后一位贵客所带来的宝物

    Zi Nv : 要交换我的宝物必须遵守一个条件
                 那就是在交换之前不能打开盒子
                 我的宝物是挑主人的
                 对于有些人来说它是无价之宝
                 而对于另一些人  它也可能一钱不值

    Han Fei : 果然有趣

    Yan Chun Jun : 故作神秘
                              我看你根本没什么宝物  就是拿个破盒子蒙人罢了

    Zi Nv : 要不要换  选择权在你们自己手中

    - 南宫府 -

    Old Man : 大人  大人

    (Can't figure out the word written on the wall --- 8:24, anyone can figure it out, please leave a comment below. Thanks.)

    King of Han : 什么
                           南宫错也死了

    Zhang Kai Di : 是

    * 韩国  韩王安 *

    King of Han : 五名主审官接连离奇死亡
                           那该如何是好

    *韩国大将军  姬无夜 *

    Ji Wu Ye : 臣倒是有一个不二人选  必可破此奇案

    King of Han : 喔  什么人

    * 韩国相国  张开地 *

    Ji Wu Ye : 便是相国大人

    Zhang Kai Di : 姬无夜
                             你

    King of Han : 相国  你可愿为君分忧

    Zhang Kai Di : 臣  愿意

    King of Han : 好  好
                           我给你十天时间  到期未能破案
                           卿当自知

    Zhang Kai Di : 姬无夜此时推荐老夫  实在居心叵测
                             安平君  龙泉君  皆是王亲
                             实难刑讯审问
                             这也正是之前几任主审一无所获的原因
                             加之鬼兵作祟  若我不幸被鬼兵所害
                             自然正合了姬无夜的心意
                             纵使老夫命大  躲过一劫

    * 韩国  张良 *

    Zhang Kai Di : 但只要找不到军饷  仍是办案不利之罪
                             合着横竖都是一步死棋
                             究竟该如何应对

    Zhang Liang : 如果韩国还有人能解开这个谜题
                            那一定是那个人

    - 紫兰轩 -

    Zhang Kai Di : 良儿  不是说来见破案之人吗

    Zhang Liang : 对啊  正是他约我们来此

    Girls : 公子里边请

    * 紫兰轩  紫女 *

    Zhang Kai Di : 竟约在这种风月之地  这个人到底是何方神圣
                             花天酒地  不知所谓

    Zi Nv : 公子  相国大人和张良先生求见

    Han Fei : 已恭候多时了  请

    Zhang Kai Di : 公子韩非  竟然是他

    Han Fei : 紫女姑娘  兰花酿配上这金丝红玛瑙盏
                    确是相得益彰  别具滋味

    Zi Nv : 公子满意就好

    Han Fei : 我原本有只碧海珊瑚樽  那才真是兰花酿的绝配
                    可惜前几日刚好换给了别人

    Zi Nv : 听公子这口气  似乎有些后悔了

    Han Fei : 当然不会  我换到了更有价值的东西
                    倒还要谢谢那个人呢

    Zhang Liang : 祖父

    Han Fei : 张大人
                    我知道张大人看不上我韩非
                    我对张大人也没什么好感
                    你要走  我不会阻止
                    不过我相信  相国大人不会走

    Zhang Kai Di : 你有这样的自信

    Han Fei : 想知道理由吗
                    因为大人的腰带系反了
                    而且你脚上还穿着朝靴

    Zhang Kai Di : 那  又如何

    Han Fei : 系反腰带  说明相国心烦意乱
                    下朝之后没有更换朝靴就赶来这里
                    表明相国急于求解
                    韩非礼数怠慢  相国大人十分恼怒
                    却还能站在这里听我说那么多废话
                    代表相国大人已别无退路

    Zhang Kai Di : 都说韩非玩世不恭  不想体物察人却如此敏锐
                             不错
                             这也正是为什么我还在这里  继续听你那么多废话

    Han Fei : 哈哈哈哈  相国大人雅量
                    我以酒赔罪

    ----- END OF 9 SONGS EPISODE 3 -----

    ----- PREVIEW FOR 9 SONGS EPISODE 4 -----

    Zhang Liang : 韩兄一直话中有话  莫非已经看出了什么端倪

    Han Fei : 但是相国大人必须答应我一个条件

    ----- END OF PREVIEW FOR 9 SONGS EPISODE 4 -----
    You have two sides of brain, left and right.
    Your left brain has nothing right and your right brain has nothing left.
    LOL XD

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